


The Family Timelord

by Sheneya



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Humor, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mpreg, Slash, Time Lord Ianto Jones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-31
Packaged: 2017-12-24 22:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheneya/pseuds/Sheneya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto is the son of The Master and The Doctor, he's not happy with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Here it was, the final battle, the Master looked upon his kneeling enemy, the thorn in his side for hundreds of years, with a triumphant smirk he raised his Laser Screwdriver, intent on forcing the Doctor into a form closer to his true age, so he could watch helpless as the Toclafane razed his precious Earth to the ground, gloating about his.......

"DON'T YOU DARE FATHER."

"Ianto, son, it's not what you think."

"You where about to do something to mother, because he won't stay around long otherwise, Not a word mother."

"Ianto, you know I'm a free spirit, I can't stay in one place for so long, it gets stifling."

"Honestly Mom, I do understand, but not staying is one thing, not visiting for centuries at a time is completely different..... Jack, Honey, close your mouth."

Jack's teeth made an audible click as he abruptly pulled his jaw back into it's original position.

"And why are there giant talking sphere's coming through a rift outside..... Daaaad, explain, now."

"Uhm.......mmmmmmft fmmmmt."

"Excuse me?"

"I was going to destroy the world."

"Again, Dad, what have I told you about taking your domestic's onto my planet."

"That if I did it again, you'd make me watch the entire series of The Bold and the Beautiful back to back."

"Exactly, luckily, I have it right here with me."

"No, no, Ianto, baby boy please, I'll, I'll clean up the entire mess."

"Japan?"

"yes, yes."

"And America."

"Yes, all of it, just please don't make me watch that plague on continuity."

"Alright then, but make sure it's completely back to normal."

"Ok, crisis averted, I'm off then."

"Oh no your not, you, me, Dad and Jack, are going to sit down and have a nice, family Dinner, yes Jack, as long as we're dating your family."

Both of the arguing Timelord's turn to Ianto and spoke together.

"YOUR DATING JACK!!!!!"

"Yes, is there a problem with that."

"Ianto, sweety, Jack is not what you would call.......well he doesn't tend to.....how do I say this."

"What your mother is trying to say is Jack is not only an abomination unto time itself, he's also a complete playboy, and will end up breaking your heart as soon as a pretty enough replacement shows up."

"That was a little harsh dear, why are you looking at me like that?"

"You called me dear."

"No I Didn't."

"Yes, you did call him dear mom, don't deny it."

"Fine, I called you dear, so what."

"You still love me."

"Well of course I do, I keep telling you that."

"No, you only say you love me when I'm trying to destroy something you love, you know I probably wouldn't keep hurting the things and people you love, if you'd just call occasionally."

"I call."

"Dad has a point mom, you haven't called me in close to Fifty years, and it's been even longer for dad."

"Ok, ok, I promise to call you both at least once a year."

"Alright, but you better keep that promise or I'll try to wreck Ear....."

"Ahem."

"Some other planet you like."

"That's better."

"Ianto, love, you do realise you may have just doomed another planet if The Doctor forgets."

"One battle at a time Jack, one battle at a time."

"Heyyyy, you distracted us from the more important issue here, you can't date Jack."

"Mom, Dad, I'm already dating Jack, we'll see what happens from there."


	2. Dinner

Dinner started out as a very silent affair, Dad was watching mom exceptionally closely, expecting him to run away at the first chance he got, Jack was nervous as hell, which he hide by flirting as much as was physically possible for him to do.

And Ianto, well Ianto was trying to cook the dinner, it was difficult as every five minutes someone would call him out to the table.

"Ianto, son, are we having that chicken you make?"

"Yes Dad, I've told you three times already, and stop drumming on the table, you know I hate it when you do that."

"Sorry, it's stuck in my head."

"Well don't stick it into ours."

"What chicken, Ianto, how come I've never had any."

"Because we always go out for dinner Jack, or eat something at the Hub."

"But, I come to your house after."

"Yes, and we're already full by then, I thought you liked my breakfasts anyway."

"I do."

"Besides, if you shut up and let me cook it you'll know all about the chicken."

 

There was quiet for another five minutes.

"Ianto?"

"*sigh* Yes Mum."

"Can we have some Bananas for dessert?"

"I haven't got any here."

"I could go get some."

"He means WE could go and get some."

The Master was very pointed about this, he wasn't letting the Doctor out of his sight until they finished dinner, at least.

"If you really want some, you can both go and get them, but don't forget the cream and cinnamon as well, I have sugar here."

There was a shuffling of noise, then the front door opened and shut, as soon as his lovers parents where gone, Jack strode into the kitchen.

"Don't even think about it."

"I was just gonna get a kiss."

"On what?"

"Alright fine, just the lips."

"That's better."

Ianto leaned around slightly and gave Jack a quick kiss before returning to his cooking.

"That's it?"

"We'll do more later, when my parents aren't about to come back, besides it's nearly time to put the chicken in."

Jack finally noticed that the chicken was only just going to be put under the grill.

"If your only just putting the chicken in, why have you only been coming out of the kitchen occasionally."

"The chicken needs to be properly marinated, I had to turn it every fifteen minutes to keep the coating even, besides, mum and dad needed a bit of time alone together."

"But, I was there."

"Not for the first three hours."

"It has to Marinate THAT long?"

"No, The marinade has to blend first, you don't just mix it together and hope for the best, you leave it for at least an hour, longer is better."

"Right, that's a long time, so where they alone together the ENTIRE time?"

"Jack, I do love you, but please, take your mind out of the gutter for five minutes."

"I never.....alright, maybe a little."

They where pulled out of the conversation by the front door opening and the sounds of an argument filling the lounge room.

"I can not believe you, you threatened that poor woman."

"She was going for the last bunch of bananas, you said you wanted them."

"I did, but we could just as easily have gone down the street for them."

"I didn't want to go down the street, dinner might have gone cold."

"He was only just putting them in the griller, we had about Fifteen minutes, or more."

"I don't like walking down streets."

"Oh no, your the high and mighty Master, a walk is beneath you."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes you did, you never did like taking me on walks."

"That's not true and you know it, I've taken you on plenty of walks."

"After I've begged for them."

"Mom, Dad."

"Of all the things to pull....."

"Mom, Dad."

"If you would Just..."  
"MOM!!!! DAD!!!!"

"Yes Ianto."

"Dinner's ready."

"Thanks son."

Jack and Ianto where both happy for the silence that followed as Ianto served up the meal and everyone ate.

"So, your both staying tonight."

"Ianto, it might not be a good idea."

"I've already made up the guest room so your staying for the night."

"I......alright, we'll stay, just for the night though. right honey."

"That's fine."

"Ianto?"

"Yes Jack."

"Do you still want me to stay?"

"Of course I do Jack, just, no sex tonight."

"Ok, I should be able to handle one night."

"You know, you might not be so bad for our son Jack, this is the first time you've been willing to forgo sex for.....well anyone really."

"I'm glad you think so Doctor, cause there's no way you or the Master can make me go away."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bedtime

It still took another hour for both Ianto's parents to finish arguing, Ianto and Jack where already in bed, Ianto in Flannelette pajamas, Jack, strangely enough, also in flannelette PJ's, both sighed in relief as the last refrains of the fight drifted down to their room, finally they could........

*Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak."

"Oh no, this happens every time, Jack, stop smirking like that."

*Squeak, thud, squeak, thud*

"They're going to be at it all night."

*moan, thud, thud, thud, thud*

Jack was looking at Ianto expectantly.

"Alright fine, if they're going to go at it, we might as well."

*Pounce*

"Jaaack, I didn't know flannel turned you on this much, why is it so quiet?"

"Sounds like they've stopped."

"Why would they......"

"JACK HARKNESS, GET YOUR TIME CURSED HANDS OFF MY SON."

Ianto was sure that his father's roar could be heard all the way to the Hub, it was that scary combination of scandalised parent and evil Timelord, Ianto just rolled his eyes.

"Honey, come back to bed."

"I.... but he's...... we'll talk about this later Captain."

*Stomp, stomp, stomp.*

"Jack, are you alright."

"He's scared my sex drive away for the night I think."

"That's alright, you'll have it back by tomorrow."  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
*Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.*

"They'll finish in a couple of hours, until then, just try and sleep through it."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> morning

It took Ianto and Jack two hours to finally get to sleep, the last thing Ianto remembered saying was something about getting beds without squeaky springs in them into the guest rooms, sooner rather than later.

It was ten in the morning when Ianto was woken up by the crashing sounds coming from the kitchen, then there was a sudden influx of swearing followed by an ominous zapping sound, which had him shooting down the stairs, alas, not in time to save his beloved toaster from his father's wrath.

Jack was trying to hide behind his industrial-strength coffee, while the irate timelord stormed around the kitchen, Ianto could only look on in horror as his kettle followed swiftly in the toaster's wake.

"Dad, what have you done to my kitchen."

"Shhh, your mother's asleep, I'm making him breakfast."

"It's a little hard to make breakfast when your destroying all the appliances."

"But sssonn, there too slow, I was just trying to speed them up."

"They're fine the way they are, and why is Mom still asleep?"

"Like you don't know."

"Riiight, Lets just leave it there, shall we."

Both parties fell silent as a light tromping could be heard from upstairs, followed by the sound of someone being sick.

"Looks like breakfast might not be an option dad."

There was a very faint voice from upstairs.

"Did someone say breakfast, good, I'm starving."

"But mom's never hungry if he's been sick."

Ianto was pulled from his museings by a light thumping sound from behind him, the Master was sitting very still with a pallour to his face.

"Dad, what's wrong."

"I've only seen your mother hungry after throwing up once before."

"Ok, when was that?"

"When he was pregnant with you."

Slowly, Ianto sat beside his father.

"MUM!!!! ARE YOU PREGNANT?"

"Yes Dear, twins I think."

Ianto didn't need to turn around to see his father's sliding roll towards the floor, he did turn around at the second thump.

"Jack, why are you on the floor as well."

Jack couldn't hold it anymore, his increasingly hysterical giggles filled the air.

"Jaaaack."

"Bwahahahahahah......I'm.......I'm sorry......I can't.....help it.......hahahahahahahahahaha."

"You do realise that you can get me pregnant as well."

The laughter stopped abruptly.

"Jack......Jack......Oh great, he's fainted."

Turning towards the stairs, Ianto smiled at his mother.

"Congratulations."

"Thanks son, now where's breakfast, and why are Jack and your father lying on the floor."

"I'll order breakfast in, and parenthood is a scary thing."

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last chapter I wrote, and I've been having trouble with continuing it, so I don't know when the next chapter will be.
> 
> Sorry


End file.
